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When perfection becomes abnormal?


2013. I said I was abnormal. 4 years down. I am the same.

Last night, someone said I wasn't fun. I hate to admit, but I think I am.

My default mechanism, was in search of an excuse to counterattack him. Then I realised that even I wasn't convinced. I mellowed. I think I kinda knew what he was talking about.

I don't act crazy for the fear of looking ugly.

I don't dance for the fear of looking like a seal. I don't sing for the fear of sounding horrible.

The fear of being judged? Are many people the same?

🙅

I was looking at the rain outside my Grabcar on my way to work.

"Dancing in the rain would be fun, I've never danced in the rain!"

💡 immediately I thought of the blog post I did in 2013. And it appeared on the first page of Google's search results of "chelxi blog dancing in the rain".

🙅

About a month or two ago, I started to let go a little. I kinda realised that I don't have to be perfect. It started with bad handwriting on lucky draw forms. My hand writing was atrocious. But I was like, at least it's readable. Some people hand writing could not even be read.

🙅

Which, along my train of thoughts, I realised how much my whole life have evolved around that people around me. I conform to the types of people around me, instead of being who I really want to be... and over a long time, turning me into a well-tuned human-looking robot.

Really?

I chose not to have "feelings" to the people around me to protect my heart... did that in turn made me "abnormal" and robot-like?

I was brought up to be prim and proper, made me "abnormal"?

🙅

Truth or excuses? So, it is really time to break out of "perfection"? I guess, every human are flawed. I should too. For starters, I'm fat now. Fat, of cause, by my own definition. And I have ugly eyebrows.


xoxo,

Chelsea

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