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I (subconsciencely) missed the last family gathering

This time last year - it seemed apparent that the end is near. The end of Kor's journey on this planet that is.

It was my turn to be on duty at the hospice. Mommy was with me.

The doctor in charge called me out of the ward. Still drowsy from my sleep/nap, and probably morning breathe.

She asked if the family would like to increase the dosage for his sedation.

"No, please take it slow. I think its better for my Mom. She needs time to register. If his gone suddenly, she won't be able to take it..." i (low-key) begged.

I didn't think kor would mind to sleep here a little longer; he always thought of the family first. Specifically Mommy. She was his biggest worry.

I wasn't sure if it was really for her?


My mom and i each on one side of the bed. Kor was sound asleep. She frowned. She tried to ask me what the doctor said. I search hard for the right words. The search which started right after the doctor's full stop.

I gave her 80% of the fact. That his body is week.

Then i thought to be logical. Maybe it'll help her accept the fact better. I "loudly" whispered, not wanting to wake Kor.

"See lah! You all! All so stubborn!!

Tell him dont keep eat instant noodles, dont smoke so much, go out more!! Don't listen.

He chose his lifestyle.

Same as you & Daddy!," i tried to lighten the conversation by changing the subject matter...

"Ask Daddy to exercise. Don't want. Therapy also don't want! Later cannot walk HOW!!??

You another one!! Diabetics still eat so much sweet food. U want to get your toe cut off then happy??!!"

I let out a huge sigh.

She frowned harder. I could see she was finding some words to rebut. But she gave up, and sigh too.


Dad visited. I stayed busy at work.

I wasnt sure if i was concentrating.

Or my subconscious didnt want to witness the heartbreaking scene of Daddy visiting Kor.

Narration from cheryl seemed like a heartwarming scene. I was glad. I preferred my imagined image way better than what i would see



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